That sounds like blogging! : March 2013

Friday, March 29, 2013

Historic Figures Re-Imagined as Crudely Drawn Cats

1. King Tutanclawmen

2. Aaron Purr

3. Yassir Aracat

4. Chairman Meow

5. Meowhandas Gandhi

6. Adolf Kitler

7. Mother Purresa

8. Clawrence of Arabia

9. Dwight D. Eisenmeower

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Lucy's Top 100 Movies: 70 - 61

70. Peter Pan

I just love this story. Though I could do with less racism.

As a teenager, it became much harder for Wendy to explain the strange boys sneaking into her window at night.

69. Ghostbusters

Dr. Peter Venkman: This city is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions.
Mayor: What do you mean, "biblical"?
Dr Ray Stantz: What he means is Old Testament, Mr. Mayor, real wrath of God type stuff.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Exactly.
Dr Ray Stantz: Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling!
Dr. Egon Spengler: Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes...
Winston Zeddemore: The dead rising from the grave!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!
Mayor: All right, all right! I get the point!

"Why worry? Each one of us is carrying an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on his back."

68. Fargo

My father now always refers to Fargo, ND as the " Murder Capital of the World." Other than that clearly unintended consequence, I have no complaints against this film.

"I'm carrying quite a load here."

67. It's a Wonderful Life

Sometimes I'm just a sucker.

What's wrong with wholesome and uplifting?

66. Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil

I'm normally not a huge fan of Clint Eastwood after his Sergio Leone spaghetti western days, but this movie makes the list because the characters are so friggin' interesting.

"I've only been here three days and it's just a shooting, but give it time, okay. This place is fantastic. It's like Gone With the Wind on Mescalin. I know you're my agent. Listen to me, they walk imaginary pets here, Garland. On a fucking leash. Alright? And they're all heavily armed and drunk. New York is boring!"

65. A Fish Called Wanda

Kevin Kline won an Academy Award for his part in this film as Otto, a psychotic idiot. I don't always agree with the Academy, but in this case I'm right with them. If you've not seen this movie, please stop what you are doing and watch it right now.

Otto: You really like animals don't you, Ken? What's the attraction.
Ken: Well, you can t-t-trust them and they don't sh-sh-sh-sh
Otto: Shit on you?
Ken: Show off all the t-time.

Sticking with the aquatic theme, we have...

64. Finding Nemo

Only the hardest of hearts could resist this touching story about a father searching for his son. I just want to point out, though, flushing fish down the toilet will not send them to the freedom of the ocean, but will actually result in their very painful death. So don't take the entire message to heart.

"This is the ocean, silly. We're not the only two in here."

63. There Will Be Blood

This is one of my husband's all-time favorites, and I can see why, because Daniel Day Lewis is a force to be reckoned with. Also, this film employs one of the best references to a delicious dessert as a prelude to cold-blooded murder.

62. This is Spinal Tap

The tiny Stonehenge scene is my favorite... one of my favorites...

61. Sleeper

My Brain?! It's my second favorite organ!

"I'm a clarinet player in 1973, I go into the hospital for a lousy operation, I wake up 200 years later and I'm Flash Gordon!"

Lucy's Top 100: Numbers 100-91

Lucy's Top 100: Numbers 90-81

Lucy's Top 100: Numbers 80-71

Lucy's Top 100: Numbers 60-51

Lucy's Top 100: Numbers 50-41

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Something I Just Remembered

Mr. Gilbert was an English teacher at my high school, though sadly never my English teacher. Once when I was passing him in the hall, he stopped me and said, "Ah! It's the Cosmic Cockroach."

I don't know why he called me that. I don't believe he knows why, either. In any event, I've been called much worse things.

Bonus: His niece is author Elizabeth Gilbert, best known for her mega-best-seller Eat, Pray, Love.

Monday, March 18, 2013

One More Crudely Drawn Pig

Get it?

Pulp Fiction Re-Imagined with Crudely Drawn Animals

Mia and Marsellus Walrus

Lucy's Top 100 Movies: 80-71

80. Dune (Director's Cut)

I recognize that this is an Alan Smithee joint, meaning David Lynch disowns this film, but I hope that doesn't apply to the director's cut, because I loved that. David Lynch is one of my top 3 favorite directors of all time, and everything he does with Kyle MacLachlan is magic.
What's more, I am a particularly tough critic when it comes to movie adaptations of books I've read (Nerdy Confession: I've read the first 3 books of the Dune series), and this one still passed muster. In contrast, the SciFi Network re-make from 2000 pissed me off after just 20 minutes and I refused to watch further.

This is my favorite shot

79. Last of the Mohicans (1920)

Nobody ever thinks of the silent version of the J.F. Cooper classic, but it is a stirring, beautiful film. The irony is not lost on me that they cast a white actor as the native american in an interracial love story, but the fact that they told that story at all is impressive for the day.

It's a silent movie, so no movie quotes here.

78. Tie Me Up, Tie Me Down

I originally had this as a tie with Buffalo '66. Both movies are profoundly creepy, deal with Stockholm Syndrome, have interesting characters, and end in very similar ways. In the end I chose the Pedro Almodovar flick over the Vincent Gallo one because Vincent Gallo is a racist asshole and his work since Buffalo '66 has not been of any value. I also think Almodovar's dialogue is better.

Besides, Antonio Banderas is a hunk.

77. Airplane!

I once heard that this was scientifically proven to be the funniest movie ever made. Don't believe me? Check it out:

76. On the Waterfront

I'm not a fan of the anti-union overtones, but it is nevertheless a dramatically compelling story and beautifully told.

"Hey, you wanna hear my philosophy of life? Do it to him before he does it to you."

75. True Grit (2010)

Mattie Ross, the 14-year-old girl who teams up with a US Marshal named Rooster to hunt down her father's murderer, is just about the coolest, toughest kid ever imagined. I wish I could be just like her.

LaBoeuf: You give out very little sugar with your pronouncements. While I sat there watchin' I gave some thought to stealin' a kiss... though you are very young, and sick... and unattractive to boot. But now I have a mind to give you five or six good licks with my belt.
Mattie Ross: One would be just as unpleasant as the other

74. Memento

Amensia is too often a device of convenience in plot development, but it is not a problem here because it is used as the central plot element.

"I have this condition."

73. Moneyball

The best movie about sports statistics I've ever seen.

"He gets on base a lot. Do I care if it's a walk or a hit?"

72. Barton Fink

Coen Brothers comedies are always surprising and intelligent. And they always make excellent use of John Goodman.

"I could tell you stories to curl your hair, but it looks like you've already heard 'em. "

71. Rain Man

Best Tom Cruise movie, thought that's not saying a lot. So I'll just say it's a classic for a reason.

Raymond: 'Course it's 10 minutes to Wapner.
Charlie: You'll make it.
Raymond: Yeah.

Lucy's Top 100: Numbers 100-91

Lucy's Top 100: Numbers 90-81

Lucy's Top 100: Numbers 70-61

Lucy's Top 100: Numbers 60-51

Lucy's Top 100: Numbers 50-41

Sunday, March 17, 2013

20 "Facts" About 20 NFL Players

Marcel Reece (RB, OAK) - Favorite food is spaghetti.
Jabal Sheard (DE, CLE) - Allergic to wool.
Eric Weddle (DB, SD) - Very particular about his brands of toilet paper and paper towels.
Vince Wilfork (NT, NE) - Won't spoon.
Kyle Orton (QB, DAL) - Must always wear a sombrero to the table on taco night.
Kevin Zeitler (OG, CIN) - Has an exceptionally good sense of smell.
Gary Gibson (DT, TB) - Voted prom king.
William Gay (DB, PIT) - Rarely smiles.
Martellus Bennett (TE, CHI) - Loves fashion.
Breno Giacomini (OT, SEA) - Not Italian.
DeJon Gomes (DB, WAS) - Born on a Wednesday.
Calvin Johnson (WR, DET) -Never wears the same underwear twice.
Tandon Dos (WR, BAL) - Lifelong Mac user.
John Ryan (P, SEA) - Sometimes goes by 'Jack,' but only when picking up women.
Joe Flacco (QB, BAL) - Won't make eye contact.
David Molk (C, SD) - Never learned to swim.
Asante Samuel (DB, ATL) - Is terrified of the opthamologist, but always toughs it out.
Ryan Tannehill (QB, MIA) - Loves Uncle Jessie from "Full House."
David Akers (K, SF) - Has agoraphobia.
Ahmad Black (DB, TB) - Best kisser of all the Buccaneers.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Lucy's Top 100 Movies: 90-81

90. Cool Hand Luke

Chili powder and curry is a fun way to throw police dogs off your scent. Hard-boiled eggs can be a great source of entertainment. For that matter, cutting the heads off of parking meters is also a great way to pass the time. Tying a long string to a shrub in a thicket can buy you a head-start on your escape if your guard thinks you are just shaking a tree while taking a whiz. I wonder if Martha Stewart ever referenced these or any other of the many useful tips and tricks from this film during her stay in the pen.

He grins like a baby, but bites like a gator.

89. Paris, Texas

A long but beautiful film.

"For the first time, he wished he were far away. Lost in a deep, vast country where nobody knew him. Somewhere without language, or streets. He dreamed about this place without knowing its name. And when he woke up, he was on fire."

88. The Hustler

Who doesn't love Paul Newman? And Pipe Laurie is perfect in this role. To be honest, it is the only thing I've seen her in outside of Twin Peaks, but that's partially her fault for taking a decades-long break from the business.

The man is 95% charisma. Even George C. Scott feels inadequate next to him.

87. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

This makes the list for one reason only: Aunt Bethany. The way she conflates religion, patriotism, and sports makes for some of the smartest comedy I've ever seen.

As a bonus, she was also the original voice of Betty Boop.

86. Lolita

This one is a great experiment in perspective. The barely pubescent orphan girl is cast as the villain, and her lecherous, obsessive stepfather is the victim.

Plus it's Kubrick, and he is a cinematic force to be reckoned with.

85. Wall-E

The most uplifting post-apocalyptic story ever.

Plus he's a Mac. So is Eve.

84. The Truman Show

I know I am not the only person to have thought that maybe my entire reality was some elaborate lie. This movie is a really creative take on that line of thinking. Those who feel this to the extreme are even diagnosed with "Truman Syndrome" now, no lie! It totally gets the future of reality TV wrong - audiences to tune in to watch someone live a pleasant, mundane life. But still, it got the voyeurism right.

I love this shot.

83. The Neverending Story

This movie is what fantasy is all about.

Coolest dog ever!

82. The Lion King

This has love, betrayal, and the first ever on-screen Disney fart!

Young Simba: What's a motto?
Timon: Nothing. What's a motto with you?

81. Good Will Hunting

I'm a sucker for a good story, and this one is really good. It made Matt Damon's and Ben Affleck's careers, and I'm glad it did! Those Boston boys done good are the kind of Hollywood I can stomach.

The TV show Community does a hilarious riff on Good Will Hunting. Here is a clip: