Lucy's Top 100 Films: 100 - 91

Please note, compiling this list is a highly subjective and imperfect process. Every person who reads this will almost certainly disagree with me on some points. Because I have not seen every movie, including certain canonical pieces, there are no doubt some glaring omissions. Sorry.

100. The Nightmare Before Christmas

"There's children throwing snowballs/ instead of throwing heads/ They're busy building toys/ and absolutely no one's dead!" This is Danny Elfman's best jam since Weird Science.

"Jack, please, I'm only an elected official here, I can't make decisions by myself!"
-The Mayor of Halloween

99. My Best Fiend: Klaus Kinski

This kept me fascinated from start to end. It helps that I am already a sucker for Werner Herzog, and learning how absolutely, bats-in-the-belfry crazy Kinski was makes all his performances even better in retrospect. For example, Kinski was convinced the Peruvian natives on the set of Fitzcarraldo adored and respected him, not realizing they had approached Herzog with an offer to murder the leading man.

The humans may have felt otherwise, but this butterfly at least genuinely loved him.

98. White Men Can't Jump

I am so glad I saw this movie before I went on Jeopardy!, not because it came up in any of the clues during the show, but because every time someone asked me to name a food that began with the letter "q,"I would say "quince" in a Bronx accent and the conversation would be over.

Can anybody step in for this guy? Anybody? For Mr. Motherfucking March of Dimes?

97. Moonstruck

This film taught me the value of copper plumbing. Also, I love Dino singing That's Amore.

Priest: What sins have you to confess? 
Loretta Castorini: Twice I took the name of the Lord in vain, once I slept with the brother of my fiancee, and once I bounced a check at the liquor store, but that was really an accident. 

  96. Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Check out my review here.

Buffy: Well, you know, I'm not gonna kick so easy. I've got a few things the other girls didn't have. 
Merrick: As for example, what? 
Buffy: My keen fashion sense. 

95. Home Alone

Kevin McCallister would be 30 years old by now. He could run for Senate. And you know what? I'd vote for him. If he was able to resolve a crisis half as creatively and effectively as he could when he was 8, imagine what he could do for the economy. Filibustering that jobs bill, Senator Rand Paul? Whoops! Watch out for that oil slick. Looks like he won't be making it the Senate floor today. It's another win for Senator McCallister (D-Ill).

You guys give up yet? Or are you thirsty for more?

94. Punch Drunk Love

Not too surprising that this is the only Adam Sandler flick on this list. He is actually quite good, but he makes a lot more money acting like he invented puberty. PT Anderson, of course, frames every shot like it's poetry.

This movie also taught me what a harmonium was.

93. Star Wars VI: Return of the Jedi

Ewoks are cute. 

92. Silver Linings Playbook

Powerhouse acting, clever dialogue, and a spotlight on mental health separate this film from the myriad formulaic rom-coms polluting our theaters. Chris Tucker is particularly charming. Of course, Jennifer Lawrence, Bradley Cooper, Robert De Niro, and Jacki Weaver all generate stellar performances as well, but they've been receiving accolades up the wazoo so it hardly seems worth mentioning.

Pat: You have poor social skills. You have a problem. 
Tiffany: I have a problem? You say more inappropriate things than appropriate things. 

91. True Romance

It feels an awful lot like Christian Slater is playing Quentin Tarantino's alter-ego, and I am a-ok with that. Also, Brad Pitt provides some superb comic relief.  

"Don't condescend me, man."

Lucy's Top 100: Numbers 90-81

Lucy's Top 100: Numbers 80-71

Lucy's Top 100: Numbers 70-61

Lucy's Top 100: Numbers 60-51

Lucy's Top 100: Numbers 50-41

Relevant movie of every year i had a heartbeat. 77-89.

So, I recently started getting some premium cable channels for free/cheap.  Yesterday one of my favorite movies from my "I want to be a bad-ass" years (12-14) was on, "Lionheart". Starring, of course, early 90's superstar Jean Claude Van Damme. Let's just say the movie has still got it, with in 4 minutes of the pool fighting scene my 6 year old son takes his eyes off the TV, and starts street fighting everything in sight.  Couch, stuffed animals, his younger brother, just like I did at age 13.  Now, if I can just get him to route for Johnny Lawrence in "The Karate Kid".

Fast forward to 11pm, Encore then delivers "Animal House" right to my eyes. Is any explanation needed?  If so, you must of been born well into the 80's or later.... So, that made me think of all the movies I was really into over my lifetime... and here's a list.  I'm starting at 1977 when i was in my mom's belly so i can list a big one....

1977: "Star Wars"
Not much to say here, My old brother = "Star Wars" nerd but, one of the ones that knows all the new movies sucked terribly. He's never stormed Skywalker Ranch either.

1978: "Animal House"
"Fat, Drunk, and Stupid is no way to go through life."  Incredible.

1979: "Rocky II"
What can i say?  My fave Rocky movie growing up.  I probably saw this movie (with understanding) in 1984/85 and liked that Rocky won the fight.

1980: "Caddyshack"
"The world needs ditch diggers too".
Lots of honorable mentions here: "The Empire Strikes Back", "Flash Gordonempire" (Well before Ted was dreamed of I was running around saying "Flash Gordon, Quarterback, New York Jets".), "The Blues Brothers", "Friday the 13th", "Herbie Goes Bananas"... Ok, Herbie, not so much.

1981: "Raiders of the Lost Ark"
Quintessential guy movie.  Doesn't matter your interests, lifestyle, or sexual orientation... Indy is one helluva Professor.

1982: "Fast Times at Ridgemont High"
Hello Phoebe Cates. Mr Hand's Ultimate understanding with Spicoli was as heartfelt moment as Hollywood can produce.

1983: "National Lampoon's Vacation"
If the Family Truckster was a real car, my dad would be restoring one right now.  Honorable mention: "Trading Places","Risky Business", and "Jedi".  Always had a soft spot for "Guido the Killer Pimp" because of Lana ditching him like that.  Messed up.

1984: Ghostbusters
My kids love the Stay-Puff Marsh Mellow man and dancing to Ray Parker Jr. every chance they get.  As much as I did in 1984.  Honorable mention: "Beverly Hills Cop", "Top Secret", "Police Academy", "The Karate Kid", "Gremlins".... Poor Mrs. Deagle.

1985: "Back to the Future"
Why doesn't Lorraine remember her son looking exactly like that Calvin kid who her dad ran over with the car?  I wish we could of combined "Back to the Future" and "Teen Wolf" into the ultimate MJF movie. Marty travels back to 55', Wolfs out, wins the All state basketball game, gets his parents to kiss, plays Johnny Be Good as the wolf.  Two things i know is Biff would not mess with Teen Wolf, and the Skateboard scene in 1955 would of been much better if Marty was Car surfing a wolf van with Styles behind the wheel. Either way, Biff would of crashed into the manure truck and the space/time continuum would be fine.  I also never changed the channel on "Spies Like us", and "Clue".

1986: "Ferris Bueller's Day Off"
One of the Ultimate teen movies.  Still just as relevant as it was in 86'.  Still wish they kept the part where they ate the pancreas in the movie... that always confused me.  Am I alone?  "Top Gun" was the first movie i knew all the lines to.  Thorton Mellon doing a "Triple Lindy" is remembered every time i step onto a diving board.

1987: "Can't Buy me Love"
So, this is not a common pick  An 80's formula high school movie... with the line "You shit on my house!".  You'll notice the list going differently at this point.  I seriously could of mentioned "Just on of the Guys" in 1985 but i rambled about Teen wolf McFly enough.  I grew up with premium cable and these were my more impressionable years. "Lethal Weapon" and "GI Joe the Movie" round out my 9th year on planet Earth.

1988: "Die Hard"
The Best action movie ever made... yes.  Argyle getting that punch in... perfect.  Fist with your toes = bare foot in glass. Important not to leave out "Caddyshack II", Thanks to this sequel, I feel i know what elements go into a terrible sequel to a great movie. "Johnny Be Good" where Anthony Michael Hall is oddly cast as a HS football superstar being recruited, makes for a lesson in how college athletics work.... maybe.  Also, Uma Thurman.

1989: "Batman"
I saw "Batman" 4 times in the Movie Theater. I was a Batman nut for about the next 4 years.  Keaton > West > Bale > Kilmer > Clooney... I don't care what Bob Kane says.  Indy and his dad found the grail this year.  They also may of shared a hot German chick.

The 90's is gonna be a weird decade. I think i only like really dumb movies.  Kevin Smith will probably rule the decade.  I'll work on that tomorrow.

High School Comedies Reimagined with Crudely Drawn Dogs

Dogs are harder to draw than cats.

1. Fast Times at Ridgeback High

2. Ferris Bull Terrier's Day Off

3. Grrrease

 4. Bark to the Future

Ron Swanson should be everyone's dad.

Ok, maybe just everyone's uncle.  My actual dad shares plenty of Ron Swanson's values but fails in the amazing delivery department that makes Ron Swanson the best character currently on TV.

Vampires are Loads of Fun

Time to turn our attention to vampires!

1. 

An extremely well put together little Draculoid

2.

The worst part of an all-liquid diet is how it goes right through you. 

3.

Superfriend Lauren bought me this t-shirt as gift a little while ago. Obviously, I wear it often.

Q: What is Catula's favorite cocktail?
A: A Bloody Meowy

4. 

5. 

Q: What is a vampire's favorite soda?
A: Dra-Cola

For eternally refreshing flavor

Famous Action Movies Reimagined with Crudely Drawn Cats

Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale meownlight?

Do you like fish? Well, he likes fish, too.

40 storys. 12 terrorists. 1 cat.

Whoa... I know cat-fu

May the furce be with you

4 perfect killers. One perfect crime. Now all they have to fear is each other (and vacuum cleaners). 

"Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and goodwill, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost kittens. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furrious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is The Cat when I lay my vengeance upon thee."

Protecting those who fear mice.

In his own way, he is perhaps the most dangerous cat who ever lived.

5 Quick Facts

Here are some things I read today. I cannot verify each statement's truthfulness, but I'd say there is a better than average chance that this is all accurate:

1. If you say "my cocaine," you sound like Michael Caine saying his own name.

Whose cocaine?

2. A group of flamingos is called a flamboyance.

3. Cows have best friends.

4. 2013 is the first year since 1987 that consists of four different digits.

5. The plastic table-like object found in your pizza box is called a box tent. 

Conversations with my Husband: Part II

Alex tells me I should carry matches in my purse.

Alex: You never know when you might need them.
Me: But I don't smoke. What would I need them for?
Alex: In case you are attacked and forced into someone's car. That way you can try to light the car on fire.
Me: But dying in a fire is a really horrible way to die! I wouldn't want to do that.
Alex: Got to. It's your only chance.
Me: Couldn't I just try to crash the car?
Alex: You might be in the backseat, or in the trunk.
Me: You want me to set the car on fire from the TRUNK?! I'd be dead before the bad guy would even notice!
Alex: Still, it's a good idea. You never know.

Joe Flacco, you just won the Super Bowl....

What are you going to do next?

Joe: "I'm going to Disney World!"

Bummer.  You win the Super Bowl, get voted Super Bowl MVP then you get saddled by tradition and have to go on a Disney Vacation.  He's a grown man with no kids.  Not sure if he's married but at least he might be able to make a run at a Disney Princess with his new found stardom.

Geese and Other Wildlife

Me: What sounds does a goose make?
My friend's 4-year-old daughter: I don't know!
Me: It goes, "Honk! Honk!"
4-year-old: No. A goose doesn't say honk.
Me: No?
4-year-old: A honkey says honk!
Me: Oh....Uh...What?
4-year-old: Yeah! A honkey says, "Hee-honk! Hee-honk!"

Conversations with my Husband - Part I

My husband Alex is the best. He let's me say and do all the weird, impulsive things I want, and I don't get embarrassed afterward.
For example:

I was on the phone with him and the call dropped out.
Alex: I'm sorry. My phone's acting weird.
Me: Well, spank it until it behaves as you would a child.

Evidence of My Having Low-Level Superpowers

1. I am a straight-up wizard at introspection.
2. I use correct punctuation and grammar 99% of the time, even on twitter.
3. I can do 5 push-ups without breaking a sweat.
4. I can eat 5 push-ups without breaking a sweat.
5. Does ADHD count as a superpower? Well, it should.

Lucy Reviews the Classics: Part I

I just watched the movie Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I know it didn't win, but this was at least nominated for Best Picture, right? Palme d'Or? The dialogue is downright brilliant, and I'd forgotten how much I enjoy looking at Luke Perry. Furthermore, Donald Sutherland exhibits Olympic quality mustache grooming.

Serious dreamboat action 

For the record, my favorite line is "Great, my secret weapon is PMS."